The Sandpiper – 12 December 2007

Life and Death and the Sandpiper

a friend remembered…..by: Leo B. Fox

Today is Friday the 12th. It will be a wonderful day. I should be sad because, this week, a dear friend was buried. She died of cancer. However, her life was one of happiness and of being positive. The last days of her life were spent with her by her loving husband-to-be who did not abandon her during the long illness. To be honest , today I celebrate her life and the happiness she brought to many people. She was always a joy to be with. In looking in my files I found this story of the Sandpiper. It has origins which are unclear but it seemed relevant to her and to today. I hope that you will read it.

The Sandpiper, by Robert Peterson

She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world begins to close in on me. She was building a sand-castle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

“Hello,” she said. I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.
“I’m building,” she said..
“I see that. What is it?” I asked, not really caring.
“Oh, I don’t know, I just like the feel of sand.”
That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper glided by.
“That’s a joy,” the child said. “It’s a what?”
“It’s a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy..”
The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed completely out of balance.

What’s your name?” She wouldn’t give up.
“Robert,” I answered. “I’m Robert Peterson.”
“Mine’s Wendy… I’m six.”
“Hi, Wendy.”
She giggled. “You’re funny,” she said.
In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.
“Come again, Mr. P,” she called. “We’ll have another happy day.”

The days and weeks that followed belonged to others: Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, and an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
“Hello, Mr. P,” she said. “Do you want to play?”
“What did you have in mind?” I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.
“I don’t know, you say.”
“How about charades?” I asked sarcastically.
“Then let’s just walk.”
Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. “Where do you live?” I asked.
“Over there.” She pointed toward a row of summer cottages.
Strange, I thought, in winter. “Where do you go to school?” “
I don’t go to school. Mommy says we’re on vacation.”
She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.
“Look, if you don’t mind,” I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, “I’d rather be alone today.”
She seemed unusually pale and out of breath. “Why?” she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, “Because my mother died!” and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child?
“Oh,” she said quietly, “then this is a bad day.”
“Yes,” I said, “and yesterday and the day before and — oh, go away!”
“Did it hurt?” she inquired.
“Did what hurt?” I was exasperated with her, with myself.
“When she died?”
“Of course it hurt!” I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself. I strode off.

A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn’t there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.
“Hello,” I said, “I’m Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was.
“Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I’m afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies.”
“Not at all — she’s a delightful child.” I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.
“Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn’t tell you.”
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.
“She loved this beach so when she asked to come, we couldn’t say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly . . .” Her voice faltered, “She left something for you . . . if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?”

I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman. She handed me a smeared envelope with “MR. P” printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues — a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed:

……. A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.

Tears welled up in my eyes and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide.
I took Wendy’s mother in my arms. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” I muttered over and over, and we wept together. The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words — one for each year of her life — that speak to me of harmony, courage, and un-demanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand — who taught me the gift of love.

………. / for me, my friend was our Sandpiper.

You can learn more about this story at:

http://www.snopes.com/glurge/sandpiper.asp

Also, for information about Cancer Care or making contributions contact: http://www. CancerCare.org

Have a nice day PHILADELPHIA!

LBF …………1/12/2007

Seeking the Elusive Happiness

Leo’s Blog on New Year’s Eve

Today is New Year’s Eve, 31 December 2006, the day that we make our New Year’s resolutions. I have had a very difficult year 2006 and in some sense, I am happy to have it come to a close. On one hand, I have had some wonderful, happy times during 2006 and then some stressed out, depressing times. From a world view, there is little to be happy about. We are bogged down in one of the worst “Non Wars” in our history with a death toll approaching 3000 US Troops. In Philadelphia, we are becoming a Murder Capitol with over 400 homicides  in the city with most due to gun violence. We “shop until we drop” during the holidays because of a perceived obligation to buy gifts for other people and at the same time we gift ourselves in attempt to find Happiness by owning more things. My personal shopping weakness is EBAY. Unfortunately, things are like money, they do not bring more happiness unless you are deprived.

Similarlily we can find many events during 2006 which made us happy. Births, new found friends, new loves, new opportunities, a recovery from illness by someone close to us, and Happiness found by helping someone in need. We can go on and on. Those of us who are religious might attribute a mystical reason for this Happiness and for those of us who are not, good luck and fortune and our own efforts might be the explanation.

When I awoke this morning I tuned in NPR (WHYY 90.1) and listened to Dr. Dan Gottlieb , on his “Voices in the Family” program. Dr. Dan is my hero, since he always has something positive to say. Althought he deals with heavy psychological issues and given his personal circumstances, (He is aquadraplegic) he always seems happy. Today, the subject was “Happiness” with an interview with Dan Gilbert who wrote the book “Stumbling upon Happiness.” Daniel Gilbert is the Harvard College Professor of Psychology at Harvard University. Dr. Dan’s on air in-depth interview with Professor Gilbert convinced me that I wanted to read the book. There is no doubt that Dan Gilbert confirms my opinion that happiness is elusive and that life is Bi-Polar, not us. While the Beatles may have been attributed to “Life is just a Bowl of Cherries” The 1931 song was made popular by Rudee Vallee and Ethyl Merman. For me happines is a “Bowl of Cherries” and also most all Chinese, French and other Ethnic Foods. Maybe I will pass on the “Loose Weight” New Year’s resolution untill next year. My goal for 2007 will be to seek the Elusive Happiness. I say elusive becase it is like seeking Nirvana for a Buddist, you never know when you have arrived. However, I know that I will find it because

1. Life being Bi-Polar, I just have to wait for the upswings.

2. Happiness is a state of mind, I have this state of Mind!

3. I will help someone in need in 2007.

4. If like Syphysus, I never arrive at the summit, so be it.

Well, it is now Eight Am, the Sun is rising, I am alive, I push towards my perrsonal summit and I am Happy!

Have a Strees Free Philadelphia in 2007!. Good luck and good fortune. Do not give up the Quest, you will succeed!

Written:

December 31, 2006 …….. in Philadelphia
by: Leo B. Fox, Stress Guru, and Blogmeister
Updated on January 1, 2007 after some reflection.

Tea time in Philadelphia

My Secrect Tea House , Howard Fox

To most of you, and I was once once like you, tea is your last choice for a beverage. Of course, there has always been Lipton’s ™ and lately Snapple flavored beverage teas , but they are more sugar water than real tea. Often, we have our tea at our favorite Chinese restaurant where the tea is respectable black or green tea but frequently just lightly flavored hot water without subtance or complexity.

That all changed for me one day a couple years ago. I was walking down Sansom Street in Center Ciity. I used to hang out at the How To Do It Book Store, a store that has sadly gone away. I bought many books there, including one on how to start your own country. The idea seems even better now than it did then.

Anyway, while meandering down Sansom Street, I came across a tea shop where the Joseph Fox (no relation) Bookstore used to be (it has since moved upstairs). It is called Great Tea International (www.great-tea.net) Great Tea seemed like a different world. The decor was definitely Asian, but not pretentious like an Asian Ffusion restaurant. The music was soothing, soft strings from China.

Not being a drinker of softdrinks, or alcohol, I decided to try a cup of tea, the Jasmine Tea. One sip of this changed my life forever. It has such a delicious complex taste. Sweet and yet not like a softdrink, a hint of fruit, but not like a juice. I felt like I was tasting a garden. The aroma was intoxicating. I was hooked for life.

The selection of regular teas and bubble teas from China, Taiwan and Japan is extraordinary and the teacakes are great too.

Since then, I have made Great Tea International my usual stop after the bookstores on Saturday. Get a nice book and enjoy it with some tea and tea cakes. This has given me something very nice and relaxing to look forward to each week. It does not hurt that Charlotte, the owner, is incredibly nice, speaks at least three languages, and knows more about Asian tea than anyone in the city. Having attended one of her tea tasting events, I can say that I have not even tasted the tip of the iceberg when it comes to tea. If you are lucky enough to catch her professor husband Ben, speaker of five languages, talented artist and all round Bon Vivant, you are in for a fascinating conversation on many topics if you choose.

So now the secret is out. I hope that not too many discover the pleasures of tea at Great Tea International since I am protective of with my favorite retreat and hope to continue to find an empty seat when I arrive with my latest book.

Relax, and have a Happy Tea Time !

Howard Fox

Hello Philadelphia!

Who we are:

“Living Stress Free in Philadelphia” is a Blog brought to you by Leo B. Fox and Howard Fox, self proclaimed Stress Gurus. We are ordinary Philadelphians who have tried to cope with stress during our years living here. Our Blog site is a Portal committed to our goal of Living Stress Free in the wonderful city of Philadelphia. We want to share our secrets, discoveries, and resources that have allowed us to survive big city life.

And of course, anyone with a secret to share with us is most welcome. Let us be partners in relaxation. Send us an email at stressgurus@yahoo.com. Let Philadelphia become known as the city of Relaxation and Brotherly love!

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December 24, 2006

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